On the fear of the feminine w/ Samantha
Samantha (she/her) and Freyia (she/her) - two AFAB femmes with strong personal attachments to their particular brands of femininity - deconstruct the notion of ‘the feminine’ and how it is feared and policed in the societies in which they live.
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Content Warnings:
There are brief mentions of political unrest, fear of death, financial exclusion, transphobia, the social devaluation of the helping profession and domestic labour, violence, hate crime, victim blaming, racism, classism, transphobia, gender policing and the concept of gender as a social construct.
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Book your tickets for the official (free!) online launch event for the wellbeing practice taking place on 19th August at 7pm British Time / 1pm Central US Time here:
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References:
Attorney vs Lawyer: What Are the Differences? - Online Master Of Online Legal Studies Programs
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The FEMISH Organization
What Is A 501(c)(3)? - Foundation Group
https://www.501c3.org/what-is-a-501c3/
Exemption Requirements - 501(c)(3) Organizations - IRS
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"Femininity? It's the Aesthetic of Subordination": Examining Femmephobia, the Gender Binary, and Experiences of Oppression Among Sexual and Gender Minorities - Rhea Ashley Hoskin
Gender Policing - British Columbia’s Office Of The Human Rights Commissioner
Women’s History: Feminism - history.com
https://www.history.com/topics/womens-history/feminism-womens-history
Masculine Defaults: Identifying and Mitigating Hidden Cultural Biases - Sapna Cheryan and Hazel Rose
https://web.stanford.edu/~hazelm/publications/2020%20Cheryan%20Markus%20Masculine%20defaults.pdf
Masculine Norms Keep Us From Gender Equality - Sarah Thébaud and David S.Pedulla
https://www.gendereconomy.org/masculine-norms/
Note: This is the research paper backs up Sam’s claim there are 30 years of research issues of femmephobia discussed in this episode
Femmephobia: The Role of Anti-Femininity and Gender Policing in LGBTQ+ People’s Experiences of Discrimination - Rhea Ashley Hoskin
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/589741ed3e00be25e11ff113/t/5c6e1ecdb208fc66182ee447/1550720745186/Hoskin2019_Article_FemmephobiaTheRoleOfAnti-Femin.pdf .
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Academic Research Is Inaccessible – And Change Is Needed - Acume
https://www.acume.org/blog/academic-research-is-inaccessible/
The Scientific Paper Is Not Obsolete… It’s Inaccessible - Katie Trauth Taylor
https://untoldcontent.com/science/
Why Isn't Academic Research Free to Everyone? - Noah Berlatsky
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How Much Does A Solicitor Cost? - Nick Green
https://www.unbiased.co.uk/discover/personal-finance/family/how-much-does-a-solicitor-cost
How Much Do Lawyers Cost? 2023 Guide - Christy Bieber
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The West - Contrapoints
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The High-Life: A Histor Of Men In Heels - Maud Bass-Krueger
https://artsandculture.google.com/story/the-high-life-a-history-of-men-in-heels/iQJCgMgwSKV5Kw
From 4000 BCE to Today: The Fascinating History of Men and Makeup - Amanda Montell
https://www.byrdie.com/history-makeup-gender
Men In Dresses: A Fashion History - Gabriella Onessimo
What is Judith Butler’s Theory of Gender Performativity? - Paige Allen
Sociology of Gender - Zuleyka Zevallos
https://othersociologist.com/sociology-of-gender/
Gender Essentialism Is Flawed — Here’s Why - Mere Abrams
https://www.healthline.com/health/gender-essentialism
Note: This is the research paper Sam references when she describes that some cultures exist in the world where all sexes have more of a ‘feminine role’; some cultures exist where all genders have a more ‘masculine role’ and some cultures exist where their ‘feminine role’ mirrors the ‘western’ ‘masculine role’ and vice versa.
Femininity/Masculinity - Jan E. Stets and Peter J. Burke
http://www.stevenlaurie.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Masculinity-and-Femininity.pdf
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20 Compelling Women Entrepreneurs Statistics - What To Become
https://whattobecome.com/blog/women-entrepreneurs-statistics/?ref=buffer.com
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Internet Encyclopedia Of Philosophy - Yinyang (Yin-yang)
Yinyang - Britannica
https://www.britannica.com/topic/yinyang
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The Science Is Clear: Girl Baby Brains and Boy Baby Brains Are (Pretty Much) The Same - Gina Rippon
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Femmephobia: “Girls Are Gross” Writ Large - Ozyfrantz
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/femmephobia-girls-are-gross-writ-large/
Stop Being A Girl - Liam Hackett
https://www.ditchthelabel.org/stop-being-a-girl-insult
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Opinion: Dear Women: It’s Okay To Dress For Men - Milena Pappalardo
https://thevarsity.ca/2022/02/13/opinion-dear-women-its-okay-to-dress-for-men/
Dressing For Other Women - Alice Catherine
https://www.alicecatherine.com/2018/03/08/dressing-for-other-women/
Do You Dress to Impress Other Women, Men or Yourself? - Barbara Aleks Hecht
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'It Gets To You': Trans Comedians On Transphobia and Cancel Culture - Hallie Lieberman
https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2021/jan/23/trans-comedians-transphobia-cancel-culture
What Is Homophobic, Biphobic and Transphobic Bullying? - Stonewall
https://www.stonewall.org.uk/what-homophobic-biphobic-and-transphobic-bullying
How Fake “Experts” Are Driving The Campaign Against Trans People - Gender GP
https://www.gendergp.com/why-are-people-transphobic/
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Note: I disagree with the argument briefly presented here that women being ‘allowed’ to be more masculine has made things ‘easier’ for girls in terms of gender equality. I believe that transcending gender rules being permitted, but only if you shift more masculine, is actually further denigrating feminine ways of being to a lesser status than their masculine counterparts.
Why Girls Can Be Boyish But Boys Can’t Be Girlish - Elissa Strauss
https://edition.cnn.com/2018/04/12/health/boys-girls-gender-norms-parenting-strauss/index.html .
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Fatphobia and Gender Politics Behind Androgyny In Fashion - Nahal Amouzadeh
https://femmagazine.com/fatphobia-and-gender-politics-behind-androgyny-in-fashion/
When Do Fat People Get Gender-Neutral Fashion? - Jess Sims
https://www.instyle.com/fashion/clothing/plus-size-gender-neutral-style
Is It An OUTFIT Or Is She Just SKINNY? - Karina Gomez
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Risks 1087 - Teachers Overworked and Underpaid | AI Technology Abuses … - TUC
Teachers Overworked, Underpaid, and Undervalued – Global Report - Brett Henebury
Female-Dominated Careers Pay Less As Gender Gap Persists - Shirin Ali
Domestic Workers Are Underpaid and More Likely To Live In Poverty - Economic Policy Institute
https://www.epi.org/press/domestic-workers-are-underpaid-and-more-likely-to-live-in-poverty/
The Guardian View On Care Workers: Undervalued and Underpaid - The Guardian
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Domestic Abuse Is A Gendered Crime - Women’s Aid
About Violence Against Trans Women - The Pixel Project
https://www.thepixelproject.net/vaw-facts/about-violence-against-trans-women/
Sexual Assault In The Transgender Community - The Office For Victims Of Crime
https://ovc.ojp.gov/sites/g/files/xyckuh226/files/pubs/forge/sexual_numbers.html
Understanding Victim Blaming and Why It’s Harmful To Survivors - Welsh Women Said
Rape Culture, Victim Blaming, And The Facts - Inside Southern
https://inside.southernct.edu/sexual-misconduct/facts
Trans Rights Are Not Up For Debate - Lui Asquith
https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/news/trans-rights-are-not-up-for-debate/
Trans Rights Have Been Pitted Against Feminism But We're Not Enemies - Kim Humphrey
The GOP’s Coordinated National Campaign Against Trans Rights, Explained - Nicole Narea and Fabiola Cineas
https://www.vox.com/politics/23631262/trans-bills-republican-state-legislatures
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Drag Queen Story Hour: Why Does It Make Some People Angry? - Channel 4 News
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Trans Athletes In Women’s Sports: Is It Fair? - Sabine Hossenfelder
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Note: This video goes into the nuances of the so-called “bathroom debate” - as well as the debate around trans folks being banned from female only spaces. Mica, the presenter of this video, makes many often overlooked points on this issues, such as the points Sam and I talk about.
Gender Criticals Don’t Understand Female Only Spaces - Ponderful
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Note: This article/video discusses how and why men being believed to be more sexual is a myth.
Why There's No Such Thing As A Sex Drive - Esther De La Ford
8 Harmful Myths We're All Spreading About Men and Sex - Melissa Hugel
https://www.mic.com/articles/111230/here-s-everything-we-get-wrong-about-men-and-sex
Note: This podcast explains how in Medieval Europe the attitude to male and female sexual appetites was the opposite to the attitude we have now in ‘western’ culture.
The Once and Future Sex with Eleanor Janega - Medievalists
https://www.medievalists.net/2023/03/the-once-and-future-sex-with-eleanor-janega/
The Hunchback Of Notre Dame
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116583/
Analyzing Evil: Judge Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame - The Vile Eye
The Psychology of the Madonna Whore Complex - Brooke Brownlee
https://www.modernintimacy.com/the-psychology-of-the-madonna-whore-complex
Why Women Are Blamed for Being Sexually Harassed: The Effects of Empathy for Female Victims and Male Perpetrators - Renata Bongiorno, Chloe Langbroek and Michelle K. Ryan
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0361684319868730
School Dress Codes Reinforce The Message That Women’s Bodies Are Dangerous - Laura Bates
He’s A Stud, She’s A Slut! A Meta Analysis On The Continued Existence Of Sexual Double Standards - Joyce J Endendijk, Anneloes L van Baar and Maja Dekovic
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7153231/
Say No To “Boys Will Be Boys” - Coleen Clemens
https://www.learningforjustice.org/magazine/say-no-to-boys-will-be-boys
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Do You Ever Feel Too Feminine For Feminism? - Stephanie Newman
https://www.writingonglass.com/content/too-feminine-for-feminism
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This Is How Much Child Care Costs In 2023 - Care
https://www.care.com/c/how-much-does-child-care-cost/
Gender Pay Gap Statistics 2023 - Kathy Haan
Maternity, Paternity Parental Leave and Gender - Women’s Budget Group
https://wbg.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Maternity-paternity-and-parental-leave.pdf
Paternity Leave: The Hidden Barriers Keeping Men At Work - Josie Cox
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Stop Denying Women Their Autonomy - oliSUNvia
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=asjmdBOUjQI&t=878s&pp=ygUaU3RvcGRlbnlpbmcgd29tZW4gYXV0b25vbXk%3D
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Why Do Men Hate It When Women Wear Heavy Makeup? - Parisa Hashempour
https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/male-attitudes-on-makeup-gender-norms
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See Feminine – Think Incompetent? The Effects Of A Feminine Outfit On The Evaluation Of Women's Computer Competence - Alexandra Fleischmann, Monika Sieverding, Ulrike Hespenheide, Miriam Weiß, Sabine C. Koch
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S036013151530097X d
Why Is It That Women Are Seen As Less Competent? - Forbes
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It’s Time To Break The Cycle Of Female Rivalry - Mikaela Kiner
https://hbr.org/2020/04/its-time-to-break-the-cycle-of-female-rivalry
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Should Women ‘Man Up’ For Male-Dominated Fields? - Andy Henion and Ann Marie Ryan
https://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2014/should-women-man-up-for-male-dominated-fields
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You Call It Professionalism; I Call It Oppression In A Three-Piece Suit - Carmen Rios
https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/02/professionalism-and-oppression/
The Cultural History Of Piercing: From Stigma To High Fashion and Everything In Between - Elena Munoz Dominguez
https://english.elpais.com/culture/2022-12-05/the-cultural-history-of-piercing-from-stigma-to-high-fashion-and-everything-in-between.html
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Film Theory 101 - Laura Mulvey: The Male Gaze Theory - Rachael Sampson
https://www.filminquiry.com/film-theory-basics-laura-mulvey-male-gaze-theory/
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Rejection of Femininity: The Phenomenon of Being “Not Like Other Girls” - Feminist Equal Rights Alliance (FERA) | Medium
https://ferauoft.medium.com/rejection-of-femininity-the-phenomenon-of-being-not-like-other-girls-1fb2bd1ad315
Feminist ≠ Feminine? Feminist Women Are Visually Masculinized Whereas Feminist Men Are Feminized | SpringerLink - Aleksander B. Gundersen and Jonas R. Kunst
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-018-0931-7
Why So Many Young Women Don't Call Themselves Feminist - Christina Scharff
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-47006912
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Note: This is the study which Sam references about how men react when losing a game to another man vs a woman.
Insights into Sexism: Male Status and Performance Moderates Female-Directed Hostile and Amicable Behaviour - Michael M. Kasumovic and Jeffrey H. Kuznekoff
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0131613
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Men and Emotions: From Repression to Expression - Australian Institute Of Professional Counsellors
https://www.aipc.net.au/articles
What’s Not Normal About Male Normative Alexithymia – Dennis London
https://thepsychologygroup.com/male-normative-alexithymia
Why Feminism Needs Men - and Men Need Feminism | Nikki van der Gaag | TEDxLSHTM - Ted X Talks
https://youtu.be/3Xu2JE2LoEY
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What Is Cognitive Dissonance? Definition and Examples - Kendra Cherry
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-dissonance-2795012
Men Value Independence in their Daughters More than Their Wives - Lisa Wade
https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2015/05/09/men-value-independence-in-their-daughters-more-than-their-wives/
Note: The TikTok video featuring a conservative woman being critiqued with such comments to the effect of “if she spent the money she spent on make up on an education you wouldn’t be a bigot” can be found on Sam’s personal TikTok page @onedayillmeditate
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Credits:
H O S T
Freyia Lilian
G U E S T
Samantha Martin
The FEMISH Organisation
Website: https://www.femish.org/
Instagram: @thefemishorg
TikTok: @thefemishorg
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thefemishorg/
M U S I C
Foxhunt (he/him)
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/foxhunt-official
S O U N D
Will Ainsworth (he/him)
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If you are concerned about your mental health, Folie A Deux always recommends turning to trusted members of your community first.
This is also a reminder to check up on your favourite people, even those you consider holding it together just fine.
In the words of Drs Amelia and Emily Nagoski:
“The cure for burnout isn’t self care, it’s all of us caring for each other.”
Access allowing, spending your time and resources finding a supportive professional you gel with can be invaluable to your journey.
If you are in crisis and you don’t know where to turn, Strong 365 hosts their own free 24 hour peer led online mental health chat which can be found here:
https://www.7cups.com/p/strong365/?wla=strong365
A thorough list of mental health helplines for a range of countries can be found here:
https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm
The world is better with you in it.
