On softness & femme w/ Andi

Note: I don’t personally agree with Weiss’ point that we should erase the words masculine and feminine when talking about these concepts, for reasons that are too complex to go into in a quick note, but I think this article makes a lot of good points on the notion of traits associated with masculine and feminine being available for everyone.

4 Problems with the Way White Feminists Talk About ‘Feminine Energy’ - Susannah Weiss

https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/05/white-feminists-feminine-energy

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Anita Cassidy

Website:
https://www.anitacassidy.uk

https://www.alethya.com

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Radical Softness as a Weapon (2015) - Lora Mathias

http://www.loramathis.com/radical-softness-as-a-weapon

How do we create radical softness without the cooptation of whiteness and capitalist individualism? My conversation with Chantal Khoury - Art Gallery Of Guelph

https://www.facebook.com/AGGuelph/videos/982340309111542

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The #Girl Boss Trope Explained - The Take

https://youtu.be/D-djKLsxiwc

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On Being Hard Femme - Jackie Wang

http://www.qzap.org/v5/gallery/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=1623

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Feeling Intensely: The Wounds of Being "Too Much" - Imi Lo

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201805/feeling-intensely-the-wounds-being-too-much

The ‘You’re Too Sensitive’ Retort Should Be Retired - Helena Bala

https://repeller.com/what-youre-too-sensitive-really-means

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Neoliberalism - The Ideology At The Root Of All Our Problems - George Monbiot

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/apr/15/neoliberalism-ideology-problem-george-monbiot

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When White Women Cry: How White Women's Tears Oppress Women of Color - Mamta Motwani Accapadi

https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ899418.pdf

How 'white fragility' reinforces racism - Guardian News

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YvIO2GU8yTU

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Gender Criticals Don’t Understand Female Only Spaces - Ponderful

https://youtu.be/jbPyBqthhH8

Bathroom bills: yet another attempt to use women as a shield for discrimination - Candice Norwood

https://www.vox.com/identities/2016/4/20/11420950/womens-safety-bathroom-bills

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What is Rape Culture? - Nova Scotia Government

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rAnuuU0yJTw

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Note: This is the zine in which the essay Andi is referring to in our conversation on racism and weaponising softness, (White) Fragility Is Not Softness, to is published

DIGITAL Soft Femme IV: Post/Feminism Zine - Andi Schwartz

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/1031506358/digital-soft-femme-iv-postfeminism-zine?click_key=acbdf829454abf6dbf2271de5bb98479e912f12e%3A1031506358&click_sum=3c3177df&ref=shop_home_active_4

Some of Andi’s Instagram posts as mentioned in the conversation about soft femme and how it isn’t as available for femmes of colour

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Lana Del Rey

Website: https://www.lanadelrey.com

Fans have turned on Lana Del Rey. Here's a complete timeline of how the singer ruined her own reputation - Callie Ahlgrim

https://www.insider.com/lana-del-rey-problematic-backlash-timeline-2021-1

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Esther Perel

Website: https://www.estherperel.com

Mating In Captivity and The State Of Affairs - Esther Perel

https://www.estherperel.com/books

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Margeaux Feldman

Website: https://www.margeauxfeldman.com

Queer Wounds; Or What We Do To Each Other (pt1) - Margeaux Feldman

https://carescapes.substack.com/p/queer-wounds-or-what-we-owe-to-each?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

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The Different Types of Attachment Styles - Stephanie Huang

https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment-styles.html

The Anxious-Avoidant Dance: How to Heal This Unhealthy Relationship Cycle - Jessica Baum

https://www.beselffull.com/blog/the-anxious-avoidant-dance-how-to-heal-this-unhealthy-relationship-cycle

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Introducing: The Tenderqueer, the Softboi of the Queer Community - Daisy Jones

https://www.vice.com/en/article/939aap/tenderqueer-meaning-define-what-dating-type-introducing

The Cursed Privilege of the Tenderqueer - Dolly Rose

https://dollyrose.substack.com/p/the-cursed-privilege-of-the-tenderqueer

Hard Femme Lessons

Instagram: @hardfemmelessons

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Lessons In Low Femme - Mette Bach

https://xtramagazine.com/power/lessons-in-low-femme-22249

Heidi Cho

Website: https://heidichomakesart.bigcartel.com

Instagram: @heidichomakesart

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Textiles: The Art of Women’s Work - Brenda Lin

https://www.sothebys.com/en/articles/textiles-the-art-of-womens-work

Grayson Perry discusses craft and art - Victoria & Albert Museum

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BAdcD4ZCKak

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Credits:

H O S T

Freyia Lilian

G U E S T

Andi Schwartz

Website: https://www.andischwartzwrites.com

Instagram: @acafemmeic

Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/softfemme

D I S T R I B U T I O N P A R T N E R

Strong365

Website: https://strong365.org

M E N T O R S H I P

Chantel Garret (she/her)

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chantelgarrett

Mili Mehta (she/her)

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mili-mehta-85811510

M U S I C

Foxhunt (he/him)

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/foxhunt-official

S O U N D

Will Ainsworth (he/him)

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If you are concerned about your mental health, Folie a Deux always recommends turning to trusted members of your community first.

In the words of Drs Amelia and Emily Nagoski:

“The cure for burnout isn’t self care, it’s all of us caring for each other.”

Access allowing, spending your time and resources finding a supportive professional you gel with can be invaluable to your journey.

If you are in crisis and you don’t know where to turn, Strong 365 hosts their own free 24 hour peer led online mental health chat which can be found here:

https://www.7cups.com/p/strong365/?wla=strong365

A thorough list of mental health helplines for a range of countries can be found here:

https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm

The world is better with you in it.

Content Warnings:

References:

Credits:

On choreographing grief w/ Andrea

On PMDD w/ Nicole