Flimsymoon
During my final year of university I created the concept for a high end, hand embellished lingerie brand I named Flimsymoon - a name inspired by a series of coincidences.
As part of a school project when I was fifteen I wrote a short story inspired by the handmade books the Bronte siblings made as children. In it, I used the description “the flimsy moon”, and liked the phrase so much I made it my Hotmail email address! At seventeen my first love introduced me to the writing of Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes, and I became enthralled by them as writers, as well as their love story. Reading Hughes’s poem The Warm and The Cold, I found the following passage in the fourth stanza:
Such a frost
The flimsy moon
Has lost her wits..
I promised myself that one day I would name something meaningful to me Flimsymoon.
“I’ve always been fascinated by embodying feminine archetypes”
I’ve always been fascinated by embodying feminine archetypes, long before I was conscious of the fact. Aged just four or five I would sit and stare at my mum’s print of Waterhouse’s Hylas and The Nymphs, dressed in thrifted nylon 1960s negligees, a plastic tiara adorning my blunt bob. In the swimming pool I’d play pretend “drowning sailors” and try my very hardest to swim with my legs pushed tight together like a mermaid tail.
At sixteen I taught myself, at the kitchen table of our council house with a 1950s machine, to sew basic knickers from some pale blue geofloral 1970s bed sheets I’d found shoved at the back of our airing cupboard. I purchased more retro bedding from my favourite charity shop and began selling the knickers at local gigs.
By the time I went to university, I knew I wanted to explore the notion of ‘the feminine’, and heterosexual romantic and sexual relational dynamics, academically. Growing up working class, with little disposable income and with a growing eco consciousness, I knew I wanted my academic exploration to conclude in a practical application.
To many of my university tutors’ frustration, I had little interest or resource capacity to experiment with vastly divergent ideas and materials. Instead, I spent my time at art school with my nose deep in theory from fields as varied as philosophy, biology, sociology, anthropology, fashion, film theory and psychology; using my limited resources to refine my own specific aesthetic, both intellectually and practically.
Through my research and development I began to find the words to describe what it was I had been drawn to my whole life - notions of the erotic, of longing, of yearning and what it means to be both a feminist and someone who identifies with and seeks to embody the softer side of ‘the feminine.’
I saw parallels between Georges Bataille’s theory that longing and eroticism can be explained by a drive to overcome the tragic ‘discontinuity’ of the human condition and the themes within the archetypal ‘Animal Bride’ stories from folklore. ‘Animal Bride’ stories follow two protagonists - a human (usually a man) and a creature - the ‘Animal Bride’ - with both human and otherworldly qualities (usually an animal/fae-woman with the abilty to change form by removing a skin) - who struggle to overcome their differences and have a romantic relationship. These stories are often told from the human, usually male, perspective - a male gaze.
At the same time I was exploring and critically engaging with the notions of the male and female gaze. I could not fully get on board with the notion that the male gaze is only an evil and the sole cause of the subjugation of ‘the feminine’ through aesthetic control, especially as someone who felt drawn to and sought to play in the embodiment of feminine folkloric figures and archetypes, such as the ‘Animal Bride.’
My opinion is that the lack of diversity in the framing and the types of femininities that are presented as desirable is what is problematic here. The notion of what even is considered ‘male gaze imagery’ is, whilst definitely real, forever in flux. Considering the perspective of the ‘queer eye’ looking at and capturing femininity also muddies this water.
The practical aspect of my thesis focused on embodying the softer, ethereal kind of femininity found in ‘Animal Bride’ tales as a conscious, enthusiastic choice. I rejected (and continue to reject) the notion that to be empowered as a human being assigned female at birth you must subvert or reject femininity if this is something you identify with.
I designed a series of screen printed and hand embellished fashion fabrics intended to evoke the recurring motif of the ‘Animal Bride’ being caught shedding her animal skin to reveal her naked human form, semi shrouded by the nature surrounding her. The fabrics feature hand drawn natural imagery in muted colours, and are sometimes layered to mimic the delicate distortions caused by water, dappled light and shadows. With these fabrics, I created mock ups of lingerie sets, which I used to create an editorial to illustrate my brand identity. With this, I had the embryo of a future collection.
“I rejected (and continue to reject) the notion that to be empowered as a human being assigned female at birth you must subvert or reject femininity if this is something you identify with”
On graduation, and with no financial safety net, I was forced to work many hours to support myself, unfortunately in very low paid jobs. After two years working as a full time live-in nanny, I launched a Kickstarter campaign with a large party in Central London, successfully raising seed money to develop my degree work into a functional collection. As I did not have the financial security to focus solely on developing my collection, I still had to continue working as I began this process. During this time, my housing situation was very unstable and I did not have access to a permanent studio space.
I was between houses and my collection-in-progress was being stored at the home of some work friends in the warehouse district of London. After a few months I arrived to collect my work and equipment, only to learn most of it had gone missing, the remainder being permanently damaged.
I was not apologised to. Using a free lawyer service I attempted to take my ex friends to court, but they moved back to Canada.
After some time recovering from the toll this situation took on my mental health, I successfully crowdfunded the money to reprint another run of the missing fabrics, as well as repair and replace some of my equipment. However, years of living in grind culture and having to survive below the breadline began to take its toll. I became sicker and sicker.
I have always experienced an array of strange physical symptoms, but suddenly I began to experience ‘flare ups’ of a number of symptoms at the same time. These symptoms I now know are caused by Hypermobile Ehlers- Danlos Syndrome - a genetic collagen difference.
My mental health declined rapidly and eventually, I was hospitalised.
“I will continue to pursue my goal of bringing Flimsymoon to market, however slowly that may have to be, even if it takes until I am 80 years old! It feels like my personal Sisyphus’s boulder.”
My mental and physical health is still effected. I consider myself to have a ‘dynamic disability’ - meaning that my physical and mental health symptoms fluctuate in presentation and intensity.
Whilst beginning to work towards building a lifestyle that is sustainable for both my mental, physical and financial health, I worked part time with fashion and textile professional, Jo Bunner, on grading my bra and knicker designs in a range of so called ‘straight sizes.’
Currently I’m working with Amy Collins on developing a bespoke fitting process for my knicker designs that will work virtually via video platforms as well as in the flesh. I am working towards launching a range of knickers for pre-order that will be made to measure and available for people of all sizes and anatomies.
I will continue to pursue my goal of bringing Flimsymoon to market, however slowly that may have to be, even if it takes until I am 80 years old! It feels like my personal Sisyphus’s boulder.
Copyright © 2024, Freyia Lilian